Why hasn’t the world stopped?
The day my father died; it was early on a Monday morning. I was driving my mum home from the palliative care facility, and I couldn't comprehend how the world was still turning. People were heading off to work, eating breakfast, getting ready for the meetings in the week ahead. But how? Why were these people so easily able to continue with their lives? Couldn't they feel that my heart had just shattered? Couldn't they sense that my world had just turned upside down? It's a strange feeling when someone you love dies and the world outside continues as if nothing has happened.
It's perfectly normal to feel like you're walking in an alternate universe. It's perfectly normal to feel like you don't understand what's going on. It's perfectly normal to be in shock. The days after your loved one has died can feel like you're living in a twilight zone. Time alternates between going at a snail's pace and passing in a flash. The days following are strange. Some days you can only deal with each second at a time. Other days you might only be able to deal with the hours. This, too, is perfectly normal. You deal with each second, minute, hour, day as it comes.
You'll oscillate between the things that you can deal with. There will be days where the best you can do is wake up. Other days, you’ll wake, shower, dress and eat. Don’t beat yourself up on the days where your best is simply waking. This is perfectly normal following the loss of a loved one. The important thing is that you take each moment as it feels right for you. If you can't deal with the idea of an entire day, just deal with the hour. If you can't deal with the hour, deal with the minutes. Take it as you need to take it. Be kind to yourself. Listen to what your mind and body need and don’t fall into the trap of listening to what others think you “should” be doing. What they think you “should” be doing might work for them, but it might not be right for you. They don’t feel the loss like you are feeling it. Their intentions are good, but they just don’t get it. Do what feels right and what works for you. It’s your grief and you get to make all the calls regarding how you process it.
